I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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