Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
