I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize