nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
