And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
