The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
