sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
