Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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