i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
