He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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