I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
