I could make wine with my vomit
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
