I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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