nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Operation Purity has been aborted
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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