i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
