yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
