Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
