genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The feeling are messing with the penis
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
