I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
