I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
