we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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