It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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