Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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