Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't turn off my feet"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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