Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
