girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
