fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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