Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
