Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
