i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
