I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
