We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
