I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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