Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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