if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
