That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
