No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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