are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
