Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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