Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
