How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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