she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
