The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
