Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
