It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
