Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We got so high we made milksteak
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
