Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
