singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He better not be in your backpack
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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