You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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