Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
