dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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