Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
