Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
