Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
