Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
