shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
