she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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