just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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