I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
