I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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