You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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