i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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