I'm going to jail i love you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
