OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
