Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
