You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
