Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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