Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
