I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
