I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
