She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
