OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
