I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
