Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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