My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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