yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
