I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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