3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I deserve this hangover.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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