I heard we made out
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
