I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
