i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
