My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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