Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
