do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
