After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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